


A Dying Institution

by Wallwalker



Category: Equilibrium (2002)
Genre: Angst, Community: fic_on_demand, F/M, Romance, Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2010-01-23
Updated: 2010-01-23
Packaged: 2017-10-06 15:25:40
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 646
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/55110
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Wallwalker/pseuds/Wallwalker
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Vivianna Preston and her one-sided love story.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Fragile Dream

Vivianna couldn't stop touching her husband.

She wasn't a fool. She knew the risk she was taking by touching him, the danger involved in such a simple thing. He didn't _feel_ the way that she did; if he even suspected that she did feel, he'd arrest her himself. She couldn't afford to think that he wouldn't, even for a moment.

Even so... she couldn't resist being close to him. She took every opportunity that she could without giving herself away - "accidentally" brushing against him and apologizing for being clumsy, or steadying herself on his arm as she got up even though she didn't really need to. There were so many small things that she did to satisfy that growing need in her to be close to him, the one that had been there ever since she had stopped taking Prozium and had realized how much of her life she'd never lived.

She loved John. She loved him hopelessly and foolishly, loved him knowing that he would never, ever love her back. He was a Cleric, one of the best. But he was handsome, and sometimes she would watch his face while he slept and wondered if he dreamed of her, or of anyone.

John scared her. Their son scared her even more; he was so _young,_ he wasn't supposed to be so cold-hearted. She was constantly afraid, and the fear only added an edge to the love and the delight that she felt in the simple pleasures, the thrill of their fleeting touches.

It all felt like a wonderful, fragile dream, and she never wanted it to end. She didn't even want to believe that it could, even though she knew that it would sooner or later. She just wanted to be able to stay with John a little bit longer.


	2. Empty

How much longer would this empty institution of marriage be allowed to exist?

Vivianna asked herself that question every time she watched her husband sleep. She would watch his chest rise and fall, and his expression would be peaceful, not that horrid mask of blank efficiency that he wore when he was awake. It would make her want to cry, if only she could, because she hated to think of losing him.

Still, could she really claim that she had him? He was a living machine, unable to even know of her feelings. And she was a rebel, a woman marked for death if anyone should ever learn of her sin. No, she didn't have him.

Sometimes she would lie in bed alone and try to imagine what it would feel like to have him touch her, the way that husbands had once touched their wives. She would run her bare hands along her own skin and whisper his name to the empty room, knowing very well that if anyone caught her at this, she would burn. But she didn't _care._ This was all she'd ever have, and she didn't care if she had to die for it.

But how much longer? How long before they dissolved the institution, how long before they "advanced" society to a higher level? Why did they still permit it?

She had never made love to John; they had gone to the Equilibrium clinic when their petition to have children had been approved, and the fertilization had been done _in vitro._ And she hadn't carried either of her babies. They'd been borne by surrogates, like most children - drugged and medicated surrogates, whose emotional attachments to their babies had been forced into submission by the enormous levels of Prozium in their blood. But she loved her children... oh, how she loved them.

When they did make marriage null and void, if they finally decided that it had no place... she hoped that she wouldn't still be alive. Losing John that way would be the end of her, one way or another.


End file.
